When I was younger and still living at home, I got my own phone line installed in my parent's house. My phone number spelled the word "disorder" and I got the listing under the name "D M Zzon" so I would be the last person in the phone book. When people would ask my number, I would either tell them "disorder" or "I'm the last number in the book - easy to remember." Well, this was fun for a while -- then the prank calls started.
3am : RING, RING, <click> "hello?", "Did you know you are the last number in the phone book?? Hahahaha" <click>
This was long before the days of caller ID, and even *69 was not around. It was a group of kids about high school age by the sound of them. They started calling two or three times a week, usually in the middle of the night. After a few weeks, I called the phone company and got a trace put on my line. This involved filling out a police report, and keeping a detailed log of my calls. The phone company told me I had to get 3 prank calls in a week's time before they would do anything about it. They would not give me the phone numbers they got, they would be provided to the police. Well, I decided to play it their way at first.
A few weeks went by after I had the trace put on the line. I got a few calls, but always just under the quota I needed before the phone company would take action. Then it happened. I got a notice with my phone bill that *69 was being offered free for one month in my area to introduce the service. This was the kind of breakthrough I had been waiting for. When opportunity knocks, yank the door open and drag him inside! When *69 first came out it did not tell you the number that had called, it would just call it back. That was good enough for me. Two days later I got a 330am wake up call. "hello?", "Mr. Zzon?" I quietly hung up the phone, waited about a minute then took it off the hook. I did this not to keep them from calling back, but so no one else could call me. You see, *69 will call back the last person that called you no matter how much time elapses. It was a Sunday when they had called me, so I waited until the next day in the middle of the afternoon. I called back, but there was no answer. I kept my phone off the hook so I could call them back anytime I wanted. I figured it was kids, and I would call back about dinnertime and talk to their parents, telling them what happened. I waited until 7pm until I tried again. A young girl answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi"
"Who is this?"
"You know who this is"
"Mark?"
This was an amazing turn of events. For years I had been talking to people who dialed wrong numbers and gotten me, trying to make them think I was the person they intended to call, or taking messages for people who would never receive them. When I was working at the airport, people would sometimes call asking for Tee times. I think some golf course must have had a similar number. I would give them what they wanted. "9am you say? Oh don't worry about a reservation, it's a very light day, just come on in." I was used to thinking on my feet. When I worked at a restaurant, occasionally phone calls would come in on our credit card approval machine. It was a fancy model with a receiver, probably for making manual approvals if the system was down. The number for it was unlisted, so if a call came in on it is was guaranteed to be a wrong number. One time a woman called asking for Mr. Cartright. I replied, "You mean you haven't heard?" She said no, that she was calling from Sears and wanted to confirm the delivery time for his refrigerator. I told her that Mr Cartright had died in a car accident yesterday. She asked if there was anyone else she could speak to about it. I told her, "I am a cousin and I flew in from out-of-state. With all the plans for the funeral and everything, now is not a good time. Can you deliver it next week?" She agreed readily and made some sympathetic comment about "my loss". I hung up and laughed for about five minutes. It wasn't "my loss" but someone was sure going to be pissed when his refrigerator didn't show up. I imagine the woman made a comment in his file about him dying with the change of delivery date, making any call he would make to complain twice as confusing.
When the little girl said, "Mark?" I did not hesitate at all. "Of course it is" was my reply. She told me that Katie was not home. I had a piece of paper nearby, so I grabbed it and started writing information down. My name is Mark, calls for Katie... little girl (sister?) I kept talking with the little girl and gently questioning her without her realizing. I found out she was indeed Katie's younger sister and her name was Susan. Mark was Katie's boyfriend and Susan was so happy to have an older boy pay attention to her that she would tell me anything I wanted to know as long as I was careful about it. I needed to get their address, so I asked Susan when her older sister would be getting home. She told me about 11pm. I said, "I wanted to take her out tonight to get a burger, but I can't think of someplace that will be open then. What diners are near your house?" She said, "The Neptune diner is open all night and it's right around the corner" I was quickly scribbling all the details she gave me down on my sheet of paper. A few more carefully thought out questions including info she had already given me and a few well placed guesses, and I had their phone number, address, and a mini history of Mark and Katie's relationship. Little girls sure do like to talk. I kept her on the phone for about a half hour, then said goodbye. I called back at 11pm, but Katie was not home yet. I told Susan not to have her call me, that I would call her tomorrow. They were all set up for the kill.
I waited until 3am before I called again. The voice that answered was groggy, but definitely not the same girl I had been talking to before.
"hello?"
"Hi Katie. This is the guy that you prank call a few times a week. I
know your phone number. I know where you live on Martine Avenue, and that
you go to White Plains High school. I know where you hang out - at the
food court in the Galleria mall, and everything else about you. If you,
your boyfriend Mark or any of your friends ever call me again, BAD THINGS will
start to happen to you. Do you completely understand?"
There was a short pause, and then a terrified, "Yes, I understand" I hung up, and started to laugh. I never got another prank call at 3am again.