You MIGHT be GAY if....
1. You regularly use the phrase "window treatment".
2. Your kitchen drawer contains a shrimp de-veiner, a mushroom
brush, or a lemon reamer.
3. You're over thirty and thinner than you were in high school.
4. You know all the lyrics to any musical besides Jesus Christ
5. Your Christmas decorations include dried roses or baby's breath.
6. You know the difference between a "soundtrack" and an "original
7. You tape Martha Stewart Living religiously.
8. The only professional sports you watch on TV are gymnastics,
diving, and figure skating.
9. You know what a sconce is.
10. You have a pet named "Liza," "Gypsy," or "Talullah".
11. You have more ties than teeth.
12. You know how to spell Barbra's first name.
13. You've never felt the need to use Barbra's last name.
14. You know whether Rogers or Hammerstein wrote the music.
15. You've ever watched the Miss America pageant and said, "Where
did she get that dress?!"
16. It took you a while to realize that International Male was
17. You've ever canceled a date because it conflicted with the
18. You know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon".
19. Your video collection contains All About Eve, The Women,
or Mommie Dearest.
20. You've ever been to a professional football game, spent the
whole time watching the cheerleaders, and critiqued their performance.
21. You receive a floral arrangement and can name more than three
22. You've ever used the phrase "floral arrangement".
23. Your Christmas stocking as a child contained bronzer or a
24. You know where to find tulle really cheap.
25. You can tie a bow tie on someone else.
26. You know whether Chita or Rita did the film version of West
27. Your mother calls you for decorating tips.
28. The names Jeff Stryker, Ryan Idol or Casey Donovan mean anything
to you at all.
29. You have "dress" sneakers.
30. You own more than two throw pillows, and they didn't come
with the couch.
31. You've ever seriously considered purchasing a divan.
32. You chose your socks this morning to bring out your eyes.
33. You use a Crate and Barrel bag as a lunch box.
34. The only reason you learned how to use the record function
on your VCR was because it was male-strippers day on Donahue.
35. You know exactly where you were the night that Judy, Ethel
or Lucy died.
36. Special K means something to you besides breakfast.
37. You own any article of clothing with the logo "2(x)ist".
38. You still mourn the premature demise of Conran's.
39. You've ever bought a Barbie doll for your niece's birthday
but her party comes and goes and she never actually opens up a Barbie
doll for a present.
40. You've ever walked down the street, had a dozen beautiful
men say hello to you, and not been able to recall a single face or name.
41. You own a pair of kneepads yet play no organized sport.
42. You've ever uttered the phrases "Get her!," "She's a mess,"
or "What's her problem?"
43. You talk in italics.
44. You've ever needed a massage because you'd overworked your
45. You've ever even for a second wondered what size butt plug
46. You simply hate the color lavender because it makes you look
47. You know a guy who swears that his brother-in-law was the
admitting doctor in the emergency room when Richard Gere came in with a
gerbil up his butt.
48. You know for sure that Richard Gere isn't gay because you
know a guy who slept with Gere's brother, who is gay and who swears
that Richard isn't.
49. Someone says "How 'bout them Bulls?" and all you can think
of are petite picadors in tight pants.
50. You see a sign for IKEA, Pottery Barn, or Hold Everything
and your palms start to sweat.
51. You require two syllables to say "please,".
52. Your pairs of shoes outnumber days of the week.
53. Your underwear drawer is filled with nothing but Calvin Klein,
in assorted styles and colors.
54. You save the packaging materials from said Calvin Klein
55. At eighth grade dances you were the only boy who could stay
on the beat.
56. You've ever, while walking down the street, executed an impromptu
series of grande jetttes.
57. You still can't get over the fact that Sunday in the Park
with George lost out to La Cage Aux Folles in nearly every category in
the 1984 Tony's.
58. You've ever gone to a Mel Gibson movie, merely in the hope
that he will repeat his butt-bearing performance in Lethal Weapon.
59. You've ever felt guilty at being attracted to someone as
homophobic as Mel Gibson.
60. You know what Lyle Waggoner, Sam J. Jones, Christopher Atkins,
Fabian, and Tommy Chong have in common.
61. You display in any public form a reproduction of Michaelangelo's
62. You've ever trimmed your pubic hair to make "it" look bigger.
63. You've ever sighed with jealousy at the sight of a starlet
in a feather boa.
64. You take a size-13 pump.
65. You own any chaps and they weren't designed by Ralph Lauren.
66. You've often had a "beard," but never had facial hair.
67. The last time you put on a floor-length organdy ball gown,
you first had to shave your chest.
68. By the time the bus has arrived at your stop, you've given
every other passenger a "fashion score".
69. You'd sooner skip a day at the gym than show up in a work-out
ensemble that just didn't match.
70. You're the only male sibling in a family of ten and grandmother
left you the Limoges.
71. You can think of more than five uses for a doily.
72. Whenever you hear the name "Christina," you get the urge
to shout "Bring me the axe!"
73. You're currently wearing a studded, leather ring approximately
3 inches in diameter, but no one can see it.
74. You know who Dorothy Gale is.
75. You've ever spontaneously quoted any of the lines from Auntie
76. You've ever run a red light because you were too busy thinking
about what you were going to wear to the White Party.
77. You've ever bought a pair of jeans because they gave you
a nice "basket".
78. You've bookmarked www.menonthenet.com.
79. You've ever turned when someone yelled "Hey, Mary!" and your
name isn't Mary.
80. You worship Marky Mark, but own none of his CDs.
81. You can tell on sight the difference between a salchow and
a triple lutz.
82. You've sworn never ever again to get drunk and do your Bette
83. You're the only one in the class picture wearing spats and
84. You used adverbs before the age of two.
85. You know exactly where to find those Brad Pitt photos on
86. You can give directions to the nearest "glory hole".
87. You prefer Maria's 1958 Normas to her 1959 Normas.
88. The idea of a car-parts store with the name "Ellis the Rim
Man" makes you giggle.
89. You have more friends named Richard, Steven, and Michael
than Rich, Steve, and Mike.
90. You've ever coed so aggressively that you drew blood.
91. The last time you danced at a wedding, you accidentally started
92. People admire your "six-pack," and you don't drink soda or
93. You've ever introduced someone as your "partner," and you're
not in business together.
94. You've ever sent anything in black latex as a gift.
95. You're known as someone who works "The Circuit," but you
have no knowledge whatsoever of electronics.
96. In your last "divorce" you fought over who would get the
97. You've ever asked for a sweat towel at the gym, but accidentally
said "cum towel" instead.
98. You've ever answered the phone at night to the sound of a
husky male voice and asked "So, what're you into?' only to find the guy's
99. You regularly slap other men on the butt, but you don't coach
a football team.
100. Your home decor encompasses more than one kind of Chippendale.
101. Your dog is smaller than a bread box.
102. To you the antonym for "no" is "fabulous".
103. At the gym you spend more time in the shower than on the
104. You've ever entered a house and audibly admired the wainscoting.
105. You regularly "toss the salad," and it involves no greenery
or vegetable of any kind.
106. You've ever said "Look at the tits on her!" and there were
no women anywhere in sight.
107. You've ever gone 5 blocks out of your way to walk through
Times Square to check out the latest Antonio Sabato billboards.
108. You've been to "The Mineshaft" but you weren't digging for